Suffering led to self-esteem . . . and evangelism

By Amira Perera

I WAS RAISED in an extremely abusive background.

My family had typical South Asian cultural ideas -- notably, the tendency to hide domestic problems and trauma, in order to save face and be liked and accepted by outsiders.

Even though I grew up in a very religious home, attending strict Catholic schools and churches, I really did not know Christ of the Bible the way I do now. At that time, I had cried out to God to deliver me from my predicament; but no answer was ever forthcoming --- until I ran away, about a year after coming to Canada.

I was still a teenager then. I did not have any friends or relatives to look out for me. But God was there to rescue me.

Within two or three months after I ran away, a Christian lady introduced me to a prayer meeting. There, Christ showed me that he was real, in a supernatural way; and he also showed me that I was loved and accepted by him.

I had always been told, and shown in a harsh fashion, that I did not measure up in any way; but God showed me that I was more than adequate. It was God's love that eventually healed my heart, to the point where I could make very good friends, and be my true self around others.

Before that, fear and anxiety had held me back; but now, I was finally able to accomplish things that I had always wanted to achieve. It took years of crying out to God, and going through extremely difficult circumstances, to come to genuine freedom. But I thank God that I can now do everything I have ever wanted to do; trauma -- and other people's opinions -- will no longer block me.

Answers came in unlikely ways. One night, when I was 19 years old -- and a born again Christian in Bible school -- I had a dream that I was going to go through a particularly hard experience. This dream did not give me the answer to how I would come out of this dilemma. When I woke up, God showed me that I was to write this dream down.

In the last few years, I have been experiencing what I saw in this dream. This harsh experience started when I was talked into working for a mission organization. While I was in this organization, I experienced many anxiety-producing incidents. I did not have a good self-concept, and could not set proper boundaries in my life. With no inner strength or facility to face these stressful situations, my health totally collapsed.

Initially, I wondered why God had abandoned me, when I had given all to follow him. During this soul-searching, a few people accused me -- telling me that my health had collapsed because I had sinned. But God showed me otherwise. The last two and a half years have brought more extreme health trials; but throughout, God has also provided a way of comfort -- through a step of obedience that I really didn't want to take.

I felt God telling me to go to the Vancouver Eastside Vineyard. I was very reluctant, and it took me three or four months to feel comfortable with the idea; but it has been the best step of faith I ever took, regarding going to a church.

At this time, I had started getting sicker, and found out that I had tumours and other health complications; these problems made it very hard to finish my studies at UBC. But a bunch of people in this church -- of various ethnic backgrounds -- have been there to help.

They have accompanied me to the doctor; helped me with housework; helped me study when I did not have motivation to go on; accompanied me to the dentist, and prayed for almost an hour and a half because I did not have the physical and emotional strength to go though a root canal; and the list goes on. One difference that I have seen in this church is that social justice beliefs are put into action.

Things are finally improving little by little with my family as well. Relationship healing is occurring; some of my family members have now genuinely turned to Christ -- which has been one of my prayer requests for a long time. I thank God that I am also just about to graduate from university, in spite of everything, this spring.

Through the many lean years of severe suffering, I have learned to trust God much more deeply. He has healed me in almost every emotional area that I asked him for help in. For one thing, I am now able to share my thoughts with people unreservedly.

I have also learned that when I take a step of faith to do evangelism or ministry, God always provides people to help me physically; and all the costs of ministry get taken care of, down to the last penny.

God has enabled me to give back to my church, by having victory in evangelism -- as well as being able to organize successful social and ministry events. Non-Christians have been attracted to me because of the fun aspects of events I am able to organize, and because I have been a genuine friend to them.

Through these many years of suffering, I have learned to hear God and obey him in deeper ways -- and this is finally bringing good results.

Perera has a personal website at: http://www.ywamconnect.com/sites/one2one-charis