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By Barry Buzza
 I've extracted a few worthwhile business principles from Solomon's Proverbs. Here's a couple on speaking the truth.
He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue.
A man who hardens his neck after much reproof will suddenly be broken beyond remedy.
Susan and I were watching a recent episode of Survivor a couple of weeks ago. If you've watched the reality show, where thirty plus people are all out to win a million dollars by surviving in difficult challenges longer than anyone else, you'll know how it works. Every one or two evenings there is a campfire ritual where one of the contestants is voted off by his peers.
Because the show is carefully edited, it's almost impossibly for us viewers to tell who it will be. Cameras are constantly on, so we get to eavesdrop on their various schemes and alliances. The episode that was aired on Thursday was a shocker. Promises had been made (sometimes with an accompanying wink) that ensured a certain person would be targeted by their group vote; but when it came to tribal council, the true intentions to stab their friend in the back were loudly revealed.
I know it's just a game, and I understand that to win the big prize there is a certain amount of trickery and deceit necessary, but the show this week reminded me far too much about the sad reality of our work world.
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"Good for you Bob, you're doing a great job!" the boss says privately to his employee. While in meetings with his peers, he says, "We need to watch Bob, he's just not pulling his weight". Or, "Let's not give that important assignment to Bob, I just don't think he's smart enough to handle it well."
Or it may be something as benign as, "Wow, Mary-Anne you got a new dress. You look beautiful today". When at the lunch table it may sound more like, "Did you see that gaudy dress Mary-Anne is wearing. I didn't have the heart to tell her it makes her look like a floozy."
Where did we learn to speak differently from one side of the mouth, than from the other? I think from childhood we've been taught, sometimes non-verbally, to tell lies rather than hurt feelings. We learn to not speak our minds simply because it's easier not to. We don't want to hurt feelings.
In childhood, we learn to be dishonest. We would never tell mom that we hate her cooking. We dare not tell Auntie May that she's getting very fat and it probably is affecting her health. We'd not tell our best friend that we thought her wedding gift was useless. (We keep bringing the ugly vase out every time she visits.) We learn to socialize by saying nice things, even if they are dishonest. It's easier that way.
In truth our lack of honesty is about self-interest. It makes people like us more and therefore our lives are easier.
Of course, our candor could be very damaging if it were not well salted with love and sensitivity, but flattery or deceit is very unhealthy in the long run. I'll pick up the subject next week.
Barry Buzza, a veteran pastor, is the president elect of the The Foursquare Gospel Church of Canada. www.foursquare.ca
June 28/2007
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