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By Kathie Chui
I walked into the school office and there he was Evan, my youngest son. I wasn't there for Evan, I had a meeting with the principal for an unrelated issue. Evan was surprised at my appearance! He quickly made up an excuse for why he and his little friend were sitting there. "We couldn't go to running club," he said. "Why?" I asked. "We were talking" he said. "Is that all?" I questioned. "Yes" was the innocent reply, but I knew by the glint in his eyes that there was more to this story. . . there usually is.
You see, Evan has ADHD. He has difficulty paying attention, listening and sitting still. He gets distracted very easily and is forgetful. His teacher says he blurts out answers when it's someone else's turn and he can't wait for you to stop talking, instead he interrupts often. He's usually getting in trouble at school and home as he can't wait his turn or he acts without thinking. He's always moving, talking and making himself the centre of attention wherever he goes.
But, he is also a nice little boy with a terrific sense of humour, easygoing and generally gets along with others. He's delightful, always making me laugh even when I'm not in the mood. Evan comes by all of this honestly - he's just like his dad, who also has the same condition.
We've all heard of ADHD. It's a familiar condition with an estimated 3.5% of all school aged children diagnosed. Some families cope by using medication, others use natural remedies or behavioral therapies. All parents face the challenge of keeping their child from falling behind in school, along with helping them maintain their self esteem. Children with ADHD are more likely to generate negative perceptions of them from others. These negative perceptions can turn into predictions as children will often play out the roles assigned to them.
Being labeled a 'troublemaker' or simply someone that is 'always getting into trouble' affects who the child believes themselves to be. As they grow older their impulsive behaviour can lead to serious miss-steps like slipping a candy bar in their pocket while at the corner store, or experimenting with smoking and drugs.
On the flip side, children with ADHD are often bright and creative. They become the inventors, the marketing specialists. They can teach other kids so many things and are often willing to help. I see this in Evan he loves to help other children.Their boundless energy makes them perfect for sports and they are often athletic, outgoing and personable. This makes them the best assets for fundraisers, which seems to be the number one function of schools today! Most of these kids can outsell anyone. Why? Because they are energetic, smart, resourceful, creative and resilient. The same qualities it takes to be a successful professional in any field.
At first I wondered why God allowed the last of my five children to have this condition. The answer lay in me becoming more content with who I am as a person, more confident in my relationship with God and not hung up on being perfect.
I have more patience now. I think I must have frustrated my older children with my need to raise them perfectly. They were always neatly dressed and if their noses ran, I ran with a tissue to wipe it quickly away. Now, it's a wipe with the sleeve... who cares?
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If Evan had been born when I was younger, I would have had more energy, but I also could have potentially damaged his spirit with my demand for good behaviour and high expectations. The wonderful news is that Evan is a child who was knit together in his mother's womb. He's just the way God intended him to be. It's up to me as his mother to take particularly good care of this beautiful gift from my heavenly father.
God instructs us to train up a child in the way he should go. he doesn't promise us that it would be easy; he just says that is what we're supposed to do. He also tells us to use discipline and yet, not exasperate our children, but to treat them fairly.
I'm so blessed because of this little boy. I'm also thankful that he has a teacher that understands him. It hurts when people misunderstand and say he's bad. I want to jump to his defense and protect him. But ultimately, I must leave Evan in God's hands and trust God to defend and protect him. God loves Evan more than I could ever know or understand. He's a child of the King.
Practical help for parents from www.healthyplace.com
• Focus on one thing at a time you can't face all of the bad behaviors at once and it will overwhelm the child
• Stay calm negative attention actually exacerbates the problem. Try to ignore some of the negative behavior if you can.
• A firm routine this is very important. When the child knows what to expect it helps to decrease the bad behaviors.
• Establish a Behavior Modification Plan a chart that lists what is acceptable and what is not, with rewards and consequences.
• Get Support join a local group that can share and discuss ideas that can help your child and where what you are going through can be understood.
Books
• Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping With Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adolescence by Edward M. Hallowell, Simon & Schuster
• Adhd Handbook for Families: A Guide to Communicating With Professionals by Paul H. Wender, National Book Network
• How To Reach And Teach Children with ADD/ADHD: Practical Techniques, Strategies, And Interventions, 2nd Edition by Sandra F.Rief, Wiley 2005
• Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention: A Book for Kids About ADHD by Kathleen G. Nadeau, Magination Press 2004
Helpful Websites
http://www.adhdfoundation.ca
http://www.adrn.org
http://www.vcn.bc.ca/chaddvan/home.htm
http://www.healthyplace.com
This article was first published at http://www.salvationist.ca.
Kathie Chui is a Major with the Salvation Army and Executive Director Mountain View Community Church & The Caring Place Community Ministries in Maple Ridge, B.C.
October 26/2007
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