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I was the youngest of three children and only 2 at the time my parent's divorced. Throughout my childhood, I felt lost and abandoned and resented my dad for breaking up our family. As a youth, I went to a Christian youth group occasionally and a Bible camp called Timberline Ranch three years in a row. On my last trip to Timberline, I told my counselor about my sufferings growing up in a broken family. It was the first time I opened up to anyone. At that camp, I asked Jesus into my life. However, I quickly forgot that conversation, but I know now that God didn't.
Following graduation and while under the influence of marijuana and alcohol, I crashed my car into a train signal. We all got out before the train hit my car and, thankfully, no one was hurt. It was an experience I will never forget. After that accident, I became more depressed than I was before and found myself getting deeper into addictions. I carried a lot of guilt inside and started praying to God for help.
Five years ago, on a beautiful sun-filled Easter morning, I was sitting with three others on the dock at Cheam Wetlands. We had been at a rave the night before and hadn't slept. I was involved in most of the drugs that go along with the rave scene, particularly crystal meth. As we sat on the dock, a woman and her young son walked past us. I thought she might tell us we shouldn't drink there, but she didn't. Instead, she asked us if we were feeding the goose that was swimming by. We had been giving it something, so we replied "yes." I recall what she said next like it just happened. "Actually," she said, "the reason I came back here is because I believe God wants me to speak to you. I feel that someone is battling inside and I would like to pray for that person."
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I knew she meant me, as earlier that week while having dinner with a Christian from work, I told her about my feelings of "battling" the drugs and depression. When I heard her say that word, I instantly said "yes, please pray" without even looking at the others. After that day I never went to another rave or took the extremely addicting crystal meth drug that goes along with that lifestyle.
Following that, I moved to Kelowna with four other friends hoping to get my life back on track, but I didn't quit my party lifestyle until a year and a half later. During that time, I finally realized that it wasn't the partying and the broken family that depressed me, but I was lonely for the One I had accepted so long ago as a young teenager. I needed God in my life.
I am now married with two children, and I find my life filled with joy. I have a wonderful marriage and two beautiful kids, but, most importantly, the joy that only comes from the One who was knocking on my door and waiting all along. Jesus answered my prayers by always providing a way out of every temptation so that I could stand up under His strength.
I have learned that God cares about the details and the little things in my life. Corinthians 10:13 (NIV) says, "But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it."
Looking back to my party days I can pin point the doors out He always gave me. I am not finished, I am not perfect and that's the beauty of the Lord. He loves and cherishes me anyway.
Tanya's story was generously contributed by www.southsidelife.com
November 29/2007
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