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By Dave Currie
They were a living reflection of the movie The Notebook, really no different
from the characters that Gena Rowlands and James Garner played in the 2004 love
story. Leona and Ernie, faithful and true lovers, died of natural causes the
same day after 66 years of marriage.
Leona and Ernie’s life story wasn’t particularly unique, but their departure was rare. Leona had been suffering
for some years with strokes and dementia, and her memory had slipped
significantly. Ernie, a robust 90 year old, visited her daily in a seniors’ care facility, not fazed at all by the limits of her failing memory. Ernie took
a tumble one day this past fall and broke his hip, putting him in the hospital
for hip surgery. Complications from the operation resulted in his death a few
days later, at 8:40 am. Leona died at 11:49 am, just three hours after Ernie.
No, they didn’t die in each other’s arms as in the Hollywood version, but they did breathe their last breath the
same day, and she didn’t even know he had gone before her.
Their memorial was a celebration – not the typical sombre event bringing closure to a life. I had been to a double
funeral before, but it was for family members who had been in a car accident.
Two lifelong lovers passing away this way got me thinking. I sat through the
memorial with my better half, listening to friends and family testify about
Leona and Ernie’s authentic loving friendship, life-long faithfulness and anchoring faith. Their
farewell was filled with such richness, such love and such hope.
On our drive home, Donalyn, my sweetheart of 36 years of marriage, agreed with
me: “What a way to go!” We talked about how neither of us would have to grieve the tragic loss of his
or her marital soul mate if we were fortunate enough to go at the same time
like this couple. Even their kids commented on how happy they were for their parents – as hard it was to get over the loss of both parents at once.
We concluded that it would be ideal if the Good Lord would grace us with a
same-day departure – because grieving the death of a spouse is a hard thing. We’ve seen the weight of it – when my mother died, leaving my Dad alone after 57 years of closeness in a
great marriage. We watched his anguish. As brave as my Dad was, the loss was
excruciating.
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As hard as losing a spouse is, it’s in all of our futures. Death is the ultimate statistic – one out of one people die. It’s how you live and love that really matters. The blessing of dying the same day
is magnified when we look at how Ernie and Leona got to 66 years of marriage.
Here’s what I learned.
First, if we live and love well, we can die well. Our focus needs to be on
leaving a host of people in our wake – as well as at our wake, I guess – who have been affected by our waves of encouragement and care, family and
people we have treated like family. To die with unfinished business, as so many
do, is a relational torture we want to avoid. To love without condition and to
live without resentment is to die without regrets.
Second, the one thing better than young love is old love. I call it ‘love with history.‘ One day, when we were locked in a loving, face to face moment, my babe,
referring to her deepening laugh lines, asked, “Do my wrinkles bother you?” I said, “Of course not! They are beautiful reminders of how long I have loved you.” (It doesn’t hurt either that, without my reading glasses, I can’t see them anyway – part of God’s plan I’m sure.) A faithful love is a longlasting love; 66 years worked for Ernie and
Leona, 57 for my parents, and 36 and counting for us. We want the second half
of our marriage to be the best half. You should too.
Finally, faith still anchors many families. It did for Ernie and Leona. Nothing
reminds us of the frailty of life as much as the finality of death. There is
nothing we can do to stop it – delay it some, maybe – but avoid it, no. I have witnessed it many times. Toward the end of life,
people are looking for answers beyond themselves. Faith brings hope and peace.
Ernie and Leona’s faith helped them live and love well; it also helped them to suffer and die
well. Remember, “These three remain, faith, hope and love – but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).
If you are looking for a good date night with your sweetheart, rent The
Notebook. You can see a trailer here:
www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2603746073/
Dave Currie is a marriage and family educator, counsellor and speaker. For more
information, see www.doingfamilyright.com
January 2011
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