By Ed Hird

MY father-in-law is solid, like a rock.

I have been married to David’s daughter for 33 years. He jokes that he has never quite forgiven me for taking his daughter away, as she was the lead soprano in his choir.

To make up for this ‘theft,’ I have paid him back by ‘giving’ him three grandchildren. The nicest thing about grandchildren, of course, is that you can fuss over them, and then send them back home!

Over the years, my father-in-law has shown great wisdom in dealing with impossible situations. When others give up, he keeps on moving faithfully forward.

I have experienced my father-in-law as someone who never stopped expecting the best from me. Many times over the years, he has opened doors for me to speak in situations that would otherwise have been closed. He is a true Barnabas, a ‘son of encouragement.’

When I have faced enormous obstacles relationally, financially or spiritually, David has always been someone I could sit down with and pour out my heart. I am blessed with ‘stereo’ wisdom from both my father-in-law and my own father – who live just 10 minutes from each other.

We live in a culture that is often embarrassed by aging and gray hair. But as the Good Book says, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor”; it is a potential sign of wisdom that comes through often painful years of experience. My father-in-law’s wisdom has taught me to be less afraid of aging and gray hair!

I remember when I announced to David that I was going to marry his daughter. Because I said it with a smile, he thought I was joking! But after I got down on my knees, he got the point.

I am one of a rare breed of bridegrooms whose father-in-law actually performed the marriage ceremony. Mine is one of three brothers who became ordained as clergy. So you can imagine all the speeches that we had at our wedding reception. The reception, by the way, was so long that we actually had to have an intermission!

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One of the most refreshing things about my father-in-law is that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. Being a wonderful storyteller, he always has a great joke that breaks the ice, and opens people up to deeper spiritual truth. With a twinkle in his eye, David will tell a hilarious story of some mishap that happened as children back on the family farm in Saskatchewan. It was also in Saskatchewan that he met my future mother-in-law.

I admire people who want to keep growing and learning, even into their retirement years. David is always looking for ways to be more loving, more caring, more forgiving, more Christ-like. In this regard, he has been deeply impacted by the Christian Ashram Retreat movement.

This movement is a big part of what makes my father-in-law tick, of what keeps him vital and joyful year after year. If David had one wish for those of you reading this article, I am sure that it would be the desire that you might experience a transformed life through attending a Christian Ashram retreat.

My own life has been radically transformed through 36 years of spending each summer at a Christ-centred Ashram with my father-in-law and family.

David was also immeasurably impacted by his marriage to Vera. If there was ever a marriage made in heaven, theirs was one of them. Filled with much love and perseverance, their marriage inspired many other struggling couples to go the second mile and keep on forgiving.

Everything about this couple breathed the message of hope and steadfast endurance, in the face of great obstacles. Their faith in our Lord Jesus Christ was the open secret of their great love for each other, and for a hurting world. Though it has been 10 years now since Vera passed on, she is still fondly remembered.

David has since been blessed by the Lord with the gift of Una, his second wife.

“With humility comes wisdom,” writes King Solomon in the Book of Proverbs. My father-in-law is a very humble man, so much so that he wouldn’t recognize his own humility. The Bible advises: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

There is gentleness to David that has drawn many hurting, broken people over the years. People instinctively know that he cares.

My father-in-law is both a true shepherd and a true gentleman.

Ed Hird is rector of St. Simon’s Church, in North Vancouver

January 2011