Thoughts upon leaving Africa
Thoughts upon leaving Africa
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Photo journalist Marten Youssef was born in Egypt, and is now based in Surrey. Last summer, he travelled to Nigeria to work with a human rights organization. As he returned to Canada this spring, he wrote the following:

Dear Africa:

I am leaving you. Again.

After eight months of pretending that I belong here, I finally found out that whenever I run to you, I run back to the world I know best.

You have this way of making me believe that you need me, and I fall for it every time. I dive into your arms – to discover that you have lured a world into believing that they can help you.

You made me believe that I could make a difference. I gave up all the comforts of the world I built with my own hands and came to rescue you – but you weren’t drowning.

You were standing on a pulpit of diamonds, oil, gold and knowledge – and holding proof of my shallowness in your hands.

And you said to me: “You came back for yourself – not for me. You came to prove your strength to your world. I don’t need you.         I just want you.”

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I had no choice but to leave you when I was a child. It wasn’t my decision. I was too young. I came back because –  no matter how many tales I heard of your corruption, injustice and poverty – a part of my heart draws me to your huts, slums, simplicity, nothingness, exoticism and people.

When I am with you, I dream of leaving you. When I am without you, I crave your scent, voice, words and promises.

You make me feel like a hero, a knight – a saviour. 

I see you in my reflection, Africa. You are in my every story. I dream of us and the future that we could have had if I would have never left you. 

But now I am leaving you again. I don’t know when or if I will return. I will dream of you –  and of the blissful moments in which you made me feel that I have something to do with you being able to stand up on your feet. 

I will tell the world you are not broken.          I will share your strength, your beauty, your uniqueness and your ability to survive against all odds. I will tell the world your story. 

I know you will go on.

Marten Youssef’s African journal and photos can be seen at: mystoriesfrom.com

May 2007

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