By Karen Reed
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| Karen Reed of Broadway Church has learned how to enjoy
her singleness. |
WHEN I was growing up, I assumed I would marry and have
kids. Alas, God did not make the same assumption.
However, although I have not married (yet!), children
have always been a part of my life.
My sister determined early to include me in the joy of
parenting, inviting me to participate in the birth of each of her four
children. The unique bond which began then has been reinforced with regular
shared experiences.
Intentional connection has been maintained over the
years. When I would forget one of their birthdays, my sister would cover
for me, buying a gift and putting my name on it. She wanted me in
their lives as much as I wanted to be in theirs.
Between her family and that of my brother, I have nine
nephews and nieces, and three great nieces. We share annual summer holidays
and camping trips, and a cabin in the mountains each year after Christmas.
I have relished participating in all the stages of their lives, and remain
in awe of the love and loyalty they give unconditionally. Being an auntie
– especially as a single – has shaped my personality and
expanded my heart.
I live in a townhouse complex which is a rich mosaic of
families. There has been a steady stream of kids in my home over the years,
with a few having refrigerator rights and sleep-overs when things were
rough at home. In addition to these connections are the children of my good
friends. I have often thought how bankrupt my life would be if being single
precluded me from relationships with kids.
Everyone needs children of all ages in their life. It
is a two-way blessing. Kids need a variety of adults in their lives; it
does indeed take a whole village to raise a healthy child – and
Jesus told adults to observe and become like children.
From kids, we learn to love with openness and
generosity. Their love tends to be lavish and innocent. They remind us how
to have fun and simply enjoy people. Children delight in others without
being told, easily accepting others without the same bias that adults often
develop. They provide us a window of how God is: loving because of mere
existence.
If we believe everyone needs relationships with kids,
and children benefit from connection with a variety of adults, let me
present a singles perspective for encouraging this.
Continue article >>
| The eternal family provides a place to foster
inter-generational relationships. Families are multi-generational. The
church family is healthiest when it organizes its life in a way that
encourages and facilitates inter-generational relationships.
The larger a community grows, the more temptation there
is to structure around affinity groups. This may be easier, but I would
suggest we risk a deficiency in our maturity and relational life. One way
to assess this would be to evaluate how easy it is for singles to naturally
develop relationships with kids in their particular church.
Healthy adults maintain friendships with both singles
and marrieds. Couples with children should welcome singles hanging out with
their kids. What parent isn’t thrilled to have another adult loving
and affirming their child, being another positive voice as they shape their
life choices? And sharing your children is a huge gift to adults who
don’t have kids – even if they don’t know it!
Cultivating friendships with singles, and welcoming
them into chaotic family gatherings, will enable them to discover and
experience the love of kids. Your children can also counterract the huge
deficiency of touch experienced by many singles – through the
generosity of their hugs.
Singles may need to be intentional to develop
relationships with kids. If you don’t have nephews and nieces, this
is not a call to sign up to become a big brother/sister or mentor.
This is a reminder to keep nurturing friendships with nuclear
families. Find kids to goof around with and enjoy. Having a kid run into
your arms is a wonderful thing; it is a kind of joy not experienced in any
other context.
Kids love unconditionally, and naturally reach out for
hugs – teaching us the value of holy touch. If you don’t have
this in your life, ask yourself: why not? Is there anything holding you
back? Is it possible you have shut off your heart by keeping kids out? If
so, why not free your heart by opening it to the love that children freely
offer?
Everyone needs kids of all ages in their lives –
and all kids have an intense hunger to belong, and to be valued.
There is an unlimited supply of children all around the world who need you,
and are willing to receive what you have to offer.
Take an inventory of the kids in your personal world.
How could you expand this aspect of your life? Open your heart to kids, and
you open up your world.
Karen Reed is an associate pastor at Broadway Church.
May 2007
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