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By Jean Kim-Butcher
AFTER long and hectic weekdays of early mornings, packing lunches, after-school
lessons, piano practice, homework and evening routine, then followed by
Saturday morning Korean school, family hikes, date-nights and various social
events, I so look forward to Sunday, the day of rest.
Oh, but wait: church for us starts at 8:30 am; our parish doesn’t have any children’s programming during the service; and since my husband leads the choir, it is up
to me to chase after children bolting from the nave.
Rest? Maybe God would be okay with me spending time with him in the comfort of my
own home, as long as I include the children. After all, why go to a building
where others are trying to pray yet are being constantly distracted by my
rambunctious children – not to mention my chastising of said children?
Since becoming a parent, I have struggled with this question. I have had many discussions with other parents who choose week after week to
take their children to church, as well as with professed believers who do not. I have also pondered the importance of attending the same church as a family.
So what exactly is ‘church,’ and why do we need to take our children to it?
For starters, the rite of baptism not only makes us a ‘new creation,’ but grants us membership in a family, incorporates us into a body. To render our membership inactive, seasonal or occasional reflects a neglect not
only of our own spiritual well-being, but also that of the whole church.
Our participation is of utmost necessity – whether in terms of ‘serving’ in some capacity or simply of showing up. It is comparable to the duty of visiting an elderly person in an
old-age home who doesn’t remember who you are; or going to family gatherings where you’re always expected to bring a dish but never thanked.
Sometimes our will must overturn our emotionally-charged instincts in the
decision-making process.
As concerns church commitments, one does not go only to receive, but to give.
Your very presence is a gift to others, regardless of your own perception of
its worth.
Our attendance at church is an act of humility, in that we thereby profess our
need to learn and be supported. Indeed, to be relational is to image forth the
very life of the Holy Trinity. Ought we not to view church as an artist’s studio rather than a museum? It’s a place where the raw materials of who we are become moulded into works in
progress, rather than one where finished products are presented for admiration.
For then the church environment can be one of acceptance – one where all feel safe to come.
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Finally, making church a regular family activity will send an important message
to our children: that it forms a part of our family culture. Many parents are particularly sensitive to the ‘church question,’ in that they don’t wish to encroach upon their children’s freedom. Yet we naturally ‘impose’ upon them – whether intentionally or not – our sense of proper etiquette, decorum and hygiene, not to say our distinctive ‘family values’ and cultural mores. Obviously, our children will grow up to embrace or reject
(or alter a tad) what we have taught them.
Consider the analogy of a fishing rod: in giving your child a rod, you afford him/her opportunity to fish normally; use
it like a spear to capture the fish; ditch it altogether, jump into the water
and catch them by hand; or to do nothing at all (and likely go hungry!)
Without having the rod to begin with, how would he/she ever know that there even
was such an activity as fishing?
Taking your children to church will allow them to know that God does exist and
that if other Christians have different ‘methods,’ yet they are all striving after the same thing. We all need to ‘put out into the deep.’
Though as parents we may often get discouraged, feel unsupported or be just too
tired to take our children to church, let us persevere in letting our actions
speak louder than our words in proclaiming a commitment to our Creator.
Like Abraham offering up Isaac to God, let us make pilgrimage to the mountain of
the Lord. For it is for us to present our children – and ourselves – as a living sacrifice.
I would gladly receive any advice. Please email me at
jeanfamilycolumn@gmail.com.
June 2009
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