By Alysia Jeske

I SUPPOSE you could call me the 'typical Christian' born to a Christian family.

However - though at times I have felt like I did not have a particularly interesting testimony - God has drawn me to himself in a special way.

Halo Express

When I was about five years old, I would always listen to a Christian audio drama called JT and the Halo Express before I went to bed. One night, the theme was God's love. There was a point in the tape where one of the characters asked Jesus into his heart.

Before I knew it, I was up out of my bed and kneeling at the 'altar' of my cassette tape player - and praying the same prayer.

The next morning, I excitedly repeated to my mother: "Mommy, mommy, I'm a children of God!"

However, this is not the end of the story. Throughout my childhood years, I continued on a 'typical' Christian path. I went to Sunday school, and I did what my parents told me to.

I was not a rebellious child - even when people provoked me or urged me to do otherwise. This remained throughout my teen years as well. In fact, I was a pretty boring person - at least in my own eyes.

Battle for Hearts

Then one day, when I was about 15, I watched a Christian video series about the Muslim faith. It was called Battle for the Hearts.

In the presentation, similarities and differences between Christianity and Islam were outlined - with the purpose of showing how to more effectively present who Jesus is.

While I watched these videos, it occurred to me Muslim children were brought up in a similar way that I was. They, too, were taught to believe that there is only one God.

I wondered: how was I to know that I had not been misled to believe in a god other than the true God? How did I know that Jesus is the only true God, and not Allah of the Qur'an?

Even though I feared asking these questions, I remembered one youth pastor saying that, if you do not ask any questions, it means you fear there are no answers.

While these thoughts were swimming through my mind during the day, I woke up one night in a cold sweat. I cannot fully explain it, but fear tightly gripped me - and I had no reason for it.

I felt as though a robber was standing outside my window about to break in - or that someone stood over me with a sledge hammer, intending to harm me.

I tossed and turned in the dark on my bed. I tried the usual: "I rebuke the enemy in Jesus' name!" But it did not work - because I still doubted, and thought: "What if Jesus isn't really the true God?"

Random scripture

After tossing and turning, I finally had enough. I muttered, "This is crazy!" and turned on the light.

I grabbed my Bible - and while I do not recommend randomly opening its pages as if it was a lottery ticket for good advice, that is precisely what I did!

By God's grace, he used my random page-flipping to show me the truth.

The page fell to Mark 6:43-44, where Jesus states: "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit."

I thought: "Wow. If the result of not believing in Jesus is this fear, then unbelief is not the tree I want to be eating from!"

Suddenly, I had freedom - because I knew the answer. Jesus was the true God. He gave me peace in that moment. Believing in him produced good fruit.

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Once I believed, I felt secure again. There is no going back now. Now Jesus is my God, and not merely the God whom my parents serve.

Protection

Later, God spoke to me about the experience, and explained: "You did not know what you had until it was gone." Having been a Chrijournalist Michael Fumento,stian all my life, I did not realize how much God protects me and covers me.

Even now, he is teaching me of his unending love. While at times I had believed I could gain God's love by doing good, I am realizing even more fully how much God loves us even before we do anything. He died for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8) - while our lives were still messed up, and we did not believe in him.

He reaches out to everyone - and longs for them to receive his love, just as they are. It does not matter how many degrees you have, your job status, your compassion toward the poor, your work in the community or lack thereof - God loves you just the way you are. You don't have to earn it.

Good works

Now that I realize this, I am in fact more free to do what he wants me to do. Being loved by God is not a result of people's good works; but good works do result from receiving God's love. I do not have as much fear of failure - because now I realize that, if I fail, it does not mean he loves me any less. My life is a testimony of his faithful love.

If there is one point I would like to emphasize, it is this: just receive God's love, and let him work in your life - for he loves you just as you are.

Time and time again, God's love is what draws me to him. I may get caught up in life, business, achievement, school - the list goes on. But when I am in a tough situation - where I feel I have failed, fallen short, or was denied something I desired - that is when I am forced to rely on God's love.

I lived in Germany for about six years while I was a teen. Those were hard years. I remember how alone I felt after the first three years, because all of my English- speaking friends had moved away. Some of the people whom I felt closest to never wrote me back.

I started going to a German youth group. I had fun making mistakes in the language, such as: "Hi, I'm Alysia - and I'm 40 years old." At the time, I was 14.

Stretching

Yet, this time of learning and stretching was a crucial part of my hael Fumento,life. I remember a pastor saying that, in order for a building to be built higher, the foundation must be dug deeper.

During these times of loneliness, I remembered that I could always go into the sanctuary of my room and cry to God. He was my comforter and friend. He allowed me to cry, and to acknowledge the pain I was feeling.

Greater still, he filled my sorrow with songs - and even gave me two special German friends during the last year in Germany.

Currently, after finishing up my final year of university in Canada, God has taught me that he is faithful. He brought me through more than I thought I could handle.

I was faced with a new culture again, a new learning style and a new work load. Yet with all these changes, he remained the same. He is faithful, and will never leave us nor forsake us (Matthew 28:20, Joshua 1:5).

I am still amazed at how much he loves us - how he shows his love not because of what we have done or anything we will do, but because he created us and delights himself in us.

A phrase that keeps coming to my mind is, "Lord, you are always with me, even when I closed my eyes to see."

Through faith, I sometimes need to close my eyes to truly see. I admit that I am not a finished project. But his grace and love will help me come through what is up ahead. All he asks is that I believe in him.

July 2007