|
By Drew Dyck
UNLESS you’ve been locked away in an underground vault for the past 15 years, you are aware
of the scourge of internet pornography that has besieged our culture. You’ve seen the statistics. You’ve heard about the billions in profits. You may have even witnessed one of the
countless marriages it has destroyed.
‘Out there’
Yet, for many Christians, internet pornography has largely been a problem ‘out there,’ a crisis that wasn’t thought to affect many within the Christian fold. That understanding is plain
wrong, according to the experts. Internet pornography has not only infiltrated
the church – it has set up camp.
Last year, the ministry Living Waters Canada held a conference to address the
crisis. The conference title emphasized the seriousness of the problem: ‘Pornography: The Christian’s Drug of Choice.’
A few of us might think that is overstating the problem. But, in fact, every new
study seems to indicate that internet pornography addiction among Christians is
spinning out of control.
For Dan Gowe, an alcohol and drug addictions counsellor at West Point Grey
Baptist Church in Vancouver, it was a small, informal study he conducted that
opened his eyes to the growing problem. Gowe distributed a questionnaire to 43
young men at a Christian camp, asking whether they had ever stumbled upon
pornography online and kept looking.
Dedicated Christians
The men he questioned were all dedicated Christians, many of them leaders in
their churches – not exactly the type of guys you’d expect to fall prey to the seedy side of the internet. Still, to Gowe’s surprise, 37 out of 43 participants admitted to viewing online pornography.
The findings – in addition to several other more official studies – convinced Gowe to branch out his addictions counselling to what he started to
see as a growing epidemic, affecting not only society at large but the church
as well.
And while there’s a world of difference between the occasional stumble and full-on addiction,
the slope is very slippery. “We’re finding that guys get addicted very quickly,” said Gowe. “It’s a massive assault on the church. It’s taking down pastors and missionaries – no one is immune.”
Paul Wilkinson, a Christian bookstore owner in Ontario, was surprised when he
developed a problem. It began a few years ago when he was googling an innocent
phrase that landed him on a site with an erotic story.
“Text sites are just as dangerous as sites with pictures,” he recalled. “Just because there aren’t pictures on the page doesn’t mean it’s not pornography.”
Soon Wilkinson found himself in the grip of an addiction. He said many
Christians are similarly surprised by the power of internet porn. “Christians usually don’t drink heavily or smoke – but this is an addictive behaviour that gets us.”
Statistics about porn addiction range widely, but it’s safe to say the problem is serious.
XXXChurch, a ministry that helps porn addicts, quotes a variety of studies of
Christian men that suggest more than half struggle with porn, and a third have
viewed it in the past month.
Leaders are no exception.
A confidential survey of evangelical pastors and church lay leaders, published
in Patrick Mean’s book Men’s Secret Wars, suggests that more than half of Christian leaders surveyed are struggling with
sexual addictions of some kind or with some other secret sexual activity.
For the next generation – the first raised in a truly internet-saturated world – the problem could be even worse.
A 2007 University of Alberta study found that one-third of 13 year old boys in
Alberta admitted to viewing porn. The porn industry continues to get rich by
exploiting vulnerable women and teen boys, causing damage that takes many
people years to recover from.
Just another addiction?
To explain the addictive nature of internet pornography, John Auxier, addictions
expert and president of ACTS Seminaries in Langley, points to the three As of
internet pornography: Anonymity, Affordability and Accessibility.
“That’s a powerful combination,” Auxier said. “There are a lot of guys who would never enter a store to buy pornographic
material, who nevertheless fall prey to viewing pornography online. It’s the sewer in your living room.”
According to Auxier, the problem fits the technical definition of addiction to a
T.
“It’s a behaviour addiction. You don’t stop the behaviour despite negative consequences that, in the case of porn
addiction, could be loss of time, money and relationships.”
Auxier said pornography addiction always involves more than just the addict. “We’ve approached this problem largely as an individual issue. But it really has to
be a family issue.”
Auxier said that women whose husbands have fallen into pornography addiction
often say the experience is akin to dealing with an affair. “They feel that same sense of betrayal and loss,” he said.
Approaching the problem of porn as a family issue doesn’t mean thinking mainly about married, heterosexual men. As many as one in five
Christian women admit to an addiction to internet porn, according to a 2007
survey conducted by ChristaNet.com.
Teen exposure
As for teens, nine in 10 say they have viewed porn online by age 16, with age 11
being the average age for a first exposure, according to xxxchurch.com.
Teens who may be experiencing confusion in their developing sexual identity can
sometimes be drawn to try out homosexual pornography.
“The anonymity of the internet makes it the perfect laboratory to experiment,” said Wendy Gritter, director of New Direction Ministries Canada, an outreach to
those dealing with issues of sexual identity and same-gender attraction.
For teens and adults trying to suppress or hide feelings of same-gender
attraction, porn can seem like a safe outlet. But Gritter has repeatedly seen
how an addiction to gay porn leads many to a double life that eventually falls
apart.
And she added, “We regularly see that any pornography addiction can easily lead to riskier
behaviours – including the potential to try to hook up with another person.”
Though many people think porn is a ‘lesser evil’ than prostitution, a recent BBC news report suggested that many men who use
prostitutes lead up to it with porn.
A related problem in the global human ‘family’ is the number of porn films made using trafficked women. These are women forced
into slavery by gangs, often far from home. In one nine-country study cited at captivedaughters.org, almost half the women
reported being pressured into porn films.
Struggle for freedom
As the church seeks to help, it needs to aim for holistic solutions, said
Auxier. Addicts need counselling that addresses all the underlying reasons for
addiction.
“There’s not a one-size-fits-all approach,” Auxier said. “Often there’s an escape aspect to the addiction, or it’s a way of coping.”
Even once someone finds freedom, the battle is not over. “When people stop using pornography, they have to replace that behaviour with
something else,” Auxier said. “They need teaching on how to start engaging in alternative, God-honouring
activities.”
Gowe echoes this reality of post-addiction challenges. “When guys stop using drugs, it can get out of their systems. But with porn, the
images are still there in their minds.”
The struggle to get free is monumental. “It’s hard to see the agony in these men’s lives,” Gowe said. “But the hardest part of what we do is getting the calls from devastated wives
whose husbands are addicted.”
However, Gowe is quick to point out that full recovery is possible. “Guys are being set free,” he said.
Continue article >>
|
Accountability
But in order for that process of recovery to take place, Gowe said two important
elements must be in place: a small group, and individual accountability to a
godly person.
Jeff Colón of Pure Life Ministries in Dry Ridge, Kentucky, emphasizes the spiritual aspect of reform.
“Porn addiction is pure selfishness. It twists desires and thinking. Only God can
straighten you out,” Colón said. “The only hope for men caught in porn addiction is to be grieved by their sin and
find true repentance.”
After addicts have glimpsed the severity of their sin and confessed, Pure Life
Ministries plunges them into a rigorous program that involves accountability,
one-on-one counselling and a course titled ‘Walk of Repentance.’ They are seeing astounding results. “I’ve seen hundreds of men totally changed and set free,” said Colón.
Though Colón believes counselling is vital, he stressed that nothing can take the place of
divine help.
“Most of the guys we help have gone the [secular] counselling route, and it didn’t work. It was too superficial. There’s power in the cross. The only answer to this problem is to become intimate with
God and get discipled.”
The church’s response
Auxier stressed the need for families to adopt practical preventive measures.
“We should encourage families to employ practices to support our moral values.
They should place restrictions on cable TV, control internet access and install
features such as Angel Eyes software to make sure their homes are protected.”
Angel Eyes is one of several programs that sends a report to an accountability
partner detailing all websites visited from your computer.
Unfortunately, frank talk on this subject is rare in Christian circles.
“It would be easier to have a drinking problem than a porn problem in the church,” Wilkinson said. He sees Christians as being particularly ill-equipped to deal
with the problem. “In Canadian Christianity, we’re not transparent enough. That makes us vulnerable to a problem like this that
needs to be discussed.”
Laura Kalmar, editor of the Mennonite Brethren Herald, agrees. “When someone confesses to alcoholism, we have a place to send them: Alcoholics
Anonymous. But when someone confesses to porn addiction, we don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to talk about sex in the church.”
Gowe – who reports approaching Christian leaders who are still incredulous about the
widespread nature of the problem – said the first step is getting out of denial. “We need to educate ourselves and realize that we’re in a crisis. Some Christian leaders don’t want to talk about the problem, because they are embarrassed to do so – or because it’s quite likely they are struggling themselves.”
Still, there are signs of hope. “I see more and more resources coming out in the church,” said Kalmar. “And that’s heartening.” She pointed to Dealing With Pornography, a 12-page booklet at faithandliferesources.org.
“I don’t think it is changing fast enough,” she said. “But it is changing, and there’s less and less stigma attached to the topic within the church.”
Reaching porn culture
Discovery Christian Reformed Church of Bowmanville, Ontario, did more than
address the issue in church – it reached out to a wide range of porn industry customers and producers. Last
winter, a delegation from the congregation staffed a booth at Toronto’s ‘Everything to Do with Sex’ Show, and handed out New Testaments.
The eyebrow-raising outreach was conducted in partnership with the ministry
XXXChurch. Each member who participated had “high accountability,” and a prayer partner. Within the first five hours of the three-day show, they
handed out 5,000 Bibles.
“People were shocked that a church group would get involved,” said Discovery’s pastor, Martin Spoelstra. “There were some great conversations with people in the industry.”
The experience impacted the congregation, too. “It was a stretching experience for those who went,” said Spoelstra. “It really opened their eyes to the problem of pornography.”
Discovery addressed the problem of porn addiction internally, too, by using
Celebrate Recovery, an addictions recovery program from Saddleback Church.
Spoelstra believes that just talking about the issue makes it easier to deal
with.
“When we broached the subject, it was amazing how many men were willing to say, ‘Yes, I have a problem.’ ”
Fear and judgment
Spoelstra thinks the church in Canada still has a lot of work to do. “The way we’re dealing with pornography addiction is a lot like how the church initially
dealt with AIDS. There was a lot of fear and judgment at first.”
He said the first step is talking openly about the problem. “Once we get it out in the open, we can do some theological reflection – and talk about how best to tackle this issue.”
The desire for change in the church is certainly there. In March 2005, Christianity Today published the results of ‘Christians and Sex,’ a survey of 680 pastors and nearly 2,000 lay people. They found that 44 percent
of churchgoers want to hear more scriptural teaching from their pastors on sex.
While 85 percent of pastors reported speaking on sexual issues once a year, only
63 percent of churchgoers said their pastors do so. Among churchgoers who said
they want their pastors to preach more on the topic, 47 percent said their
pastor speaks about it once a year, an even bigger difference of opinion.
A Christianity Today International analyst commented on the study’s findings: “Perhaps this desire for more biblical exposition on sexual issues exists because
pastors are not speaking forcefully or clearly enough, while exposure to sexual
images and messages in today’s media is ever more heightened.”
Action urgently needed
Gowe believes it’s high time the church addressed the problem on a wider scale. “We’ve allowed this to go on too long – and if we don’t do something quickly, we’re going to reap what we’ve sown.”
Auxier also urged action. “We need to talk openly about sex in the church. We need to recognize that people
are struggling, and need our help and support. The church should become a place
of safety and healing.”
Colón talked about the need to address the problem from the pulpit. “Preach about it. Do whole sermons on it. Do a whole series!”
Whatever approach churches take, one thing seems certain: they can and should do
more. Perhaps only then will the crisis receive the light it so desperately
needs, offering people caught in the grip of the addiction a chance to change.
Drew Dyck is the editor of BuildingChurchLeaders.com.
Originally published in Faith Today, March/April 2009.
Online resources
xxxchurch.com • pureonline.com • safefamilies.org
newdirection.ca • purelifeministries.org
livingwaterscanada.org • somebodysdaughter.org
thepornographyeffect.wordpress.com
July 2009
|
