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“TILL DEATH do us part.” It’s a vow that’s heard at every wedding ceremony, where couples promise to love and be with
each other for the rest of their lives. But what happens when life is cut short
for one of them?
At 37, Grace Wulff experienced this kind of dilemma when her husband lost his
battle with cancer, leaving her with their three teenage children.
But who would have thought that out of the grief would come hope – not just for Wulff, but for others like her who would walk that same tortured
path of mourning over the loss of a significant other?
Recognizing the need for a place that would provide support for individuals
grieving the passing of their spouses, Wulff started writing a newsletter that
provided words of encouragement to others who were suffering just like her.
In addition to the newsletter, a monthly meeting and a weekly coffee time was
arranged for widows to connect with each other and deal with their grief.
Aptly named New Hope, the organization has been providing services and support
for 12 years to those who are widowed, including a monthly retreat and an
extended support for teens and children who are dealing with grief.
Succeeding Wulff in her position as executive director, Liz Friedrick used her
experience of young widowhood – drawing from her training in grief counselling and support, to lend a new
perspective to those who are hurting.
“We have a number of volunteers and a strong volunteer board who are actively
involved in our activities,” said Friedrick. “Everyone associated with New Hope has been widowed; so we can all relate in a
way that many of our friends and family can’t.
“We understand the deep pain of losing a spouse, as well as the process of
adjustments and transitions that come with the loss, despite the age and stage
of widowhood.
There are differences between being widowed young with children at home, and
being a senior on your own – as there are differences between anticipatory and sudden and unexpected loss.
Yet much of our experience is the same, and we can all relate to one another in
various ways.”
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No matter how difficult and painful, it’s important for people to have time to grieve “so they don’t get stuck in their grief; so they can reconcile with the loss and absorb it
into their life as it becomes part of the story of their life – but not so that it overtakes their life in an unhealthy way,” said Friedrick. She added that not allowing yourself to do so may lead to
unhealthy ways of coping – like substance addiction, ‘retail therapy’ and even physical illness.
But the great thing about experiencing a loss firsthand is that these workers
are a living testament to their clients, even as they offer friendship, that “there is life after loss.”
“It’s very meaningful to come alongside and befriend these men and women who are
struggling to come to terms with one of the most devastating life losses,” said Kelowna worker Lorna Bohon, a member of the board.
“Others may think that this is depressing work; that dealing with grief and loss
is always sad – and of course, there is sadness in the grief we bear. But there is hope. We do
survive – and to be able to give others hope that they too will get through the dark
tunnel of grief inspires us to carry on. We are stronger than we realize and,
with God’s help and strength, we can transcend insurmountable odds, including the painful
loss of a spouse.”
Contact: newhouse-grief.org. –Lailani Mendoza
July 2009
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