Gen Xer Emily Wierenga  takes a nostalgic look back at the fine art of romance, and casts a wary eye at the digital age.

ONCE upon a time, Romeo and Juliet set the standards for romance. Boys would catch girls’ eyes – and with a single wink, catalyze ‘love at first sight.’ Recently, however, with the advancement of modern technology, relationships have been taken – down – to a whole new level.

Connections now happen through blogs, chat rooms, and the clipped, witty phrases of instnt txt (instant text) messages. Sparks still fly – from the electric outlet. Winks still occur – as features found on Facebook.com. Today’s Cupid is the World Wide Web, firing random arrows around the globe.

Does the advance of the technical age signal a regression of social skills?  I remember when men and women would actually talk with one another. Now it’s simply necessary for them to type curt inst txt mssgs. Soon it will be back to a basic grunt, followed by the man slinging his wanted woman over his shoulder and hauling her off to his cave.

Nevertheless, we must keep up with the times. No more polite phone calls asking dad’s permission to date his daughter. No more corsages or innocent blushes. No more pimples or unwanted facial hair, thanks to Photoshop. In fact, you can become a completely different person! It’s magical, really. That is, until you ‘go for coffee’ ­– the first contact.

Sadly, Nexopia, Myspace.com, Facebook.com and other online social networking tools tend to objectify their users. Photos and carefully crafted words end up representing the entire person. So much is excluded – emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

It plays right along with today’s fast-food world. After all, we can pick up breakfast, lunch and dinner without ever leaving the car. Two clicks, 20 seconds – and we’ve ‘got’ the person.

 Are you sensing sarcasm? Well, I’m trying to disguise my 20-something shock under thick layers of it. But as with anything, there are two sides to the story. Or should we say, two links to the post? Am I carrying this too far? Srry.

Blogged down

Not every online outlet is entirely superficial. Take the blog, for example. Poets, writers and journalists can inspire, challenge and impress potential soul mates worldwide.  The blog is a place where men and women can discover the intricate workings of someone’s mind, and learn to love or respect one another based on that.

 Many people feel more comfortable sharing a deeper side of themselves when journaling their thoughts on a blog. But since when did we want people reading our personal thoughts? It used to be that diaries came with little silver locks. We’d gush about boys and life, upon pearly pink paper – then lock up our secrets, and stow them away under our pillows. Now it’s nothing for thousands of people to stumble upon our hearts via the blog. Have we cheapened intimacy? Does intimacy even exist anymore? Who are we really writing for, and what is our motive?

 Let’s see: how can I get Mr. Handsome to comment on my blog? Quick, think of something stunningly witty. Throw in a bit of wisdom. Top it all off with a famous quote. We may as well copy and paste!

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Chatting up

In the good ol’ days, we’d meet friends in coffee shops for heartfelt conversations. But now it’s possible to chat with complete strangers from the comfort of our own homes, for hours (and hours, and hours!) on end, about nothing at all, in our fuzzy pyjamas!

I recall a scene from Napoleon Dynamite, where scrawny, pale-faced Kip defines his relationship with LaFonda: “Things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day.”    

Christians have attempted to convert the chatroom experience, with wholesome sites like christiancafe.com which encourage individuals with similar values and interests to interact. Nevertheless, as 31-year-old Sandy Jamieson from Kitchener, Ontario puts it, “Whatever happened to meeting someone and building a connection on a spark? A first glance, that turns into another one, which lingers? That’s real.”

   Cheryl Tebby, a recent high school graduate from Edmonton, is disgusted by the entire chatroom scene. “It’s so . . . so . . . disenchanting. It’s got too many traps and lies. As well, it’s so lazy. Go out and meet a person, rather than hiding behind a computer screen! “

   After venting this to me (ironically over MSN), she added: “However, I suppose it is handy for long distance.”

And it was, for another high school grad ­– Matthew Roberge of B.C. He met his girlfriend, Julie Bauschardt of Edmonton, in an online Art Community. They recently celebrated their fourth anniversary. He says: “We share the same goals and interests; and conversation is more intimate, in my opinion, than any physical contact. I didn’t set out to find a date; I don’t approve of that, honestly. This just happened – straight out of the blue – and I am glad for it.”

It was a rare, but genuine, online connection.

Instant gratification

Instant coffee, instant oatmeal, instant messaging – each poor imitations of the real thing. The same can be said for e-mails. I can recall the joy of receiving a letter in the mail. Vaguely. It was years ago – but it happened, I swear.

My husband and I spent a summer apart while we were dating. He hated writing, but did it anyway, because he knew it meant the world to me. My heart leapt as I opened up that piece of letterhead and read: “There. I did it. You happy?” Okay, so he wasn’t the most romantic of men. But he tried.

There’s something missing in today’s messaging world. Something called the English language, for example. Since when did BRB (be right back), IDK (I don’t know),  and NM (never mind) replace speech? Are we that pressed for time?

This mania for abreviation also creates an emotional void. We have not only cheapened the English language – but through the power of parentheses, we’ve lost touch with the heart. Sigh.

Decades ago, young men swept women off their feet. Today’s gents text ‘R u busy 2nite?’ to their chick, while sitting on the john. It’s definitely returning: the age of the caveman.

It’s only a mouse-click away.

September 2007