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COMMENT
By Jean Kim-Butcher
IN LAST month’s column, I touched on the rampant growth of internet child pornography. What,
as parents, can we do to ensure that our own children do not become either
victims or perpetrators, in the arena of human sexuality?
At the news of a birth, our first question is usually: “Is it a boy or a girl?” So vital is the sexual make-up of a human person that it is our most basic and
powerful instinct, aside from our need of food and water. Why would God create
human beings like this? Because we are made in the image of a God who is Trinitarian – in constant relationship.
Our sexuality keeps us looking beyond ourselves, and toward others. We
experience a continual elaboration of our roles in relation to another – a process by which we enter more deeply into our gender differences, in order to
unite more fully.
In this process, it is vital that we adhere to our original blueprint. Created
male and female, with the commandment to “be fruitful and multiply,” we have been given guidelines for how to use the gift of sexuality.
In many instances, sexual abuse (especially of minors) results from focusing on
gratifying oneself by means of another – rather than on giving oneself to another. This separates sexuality from the call to family life.
The command to be fruitful and multiply involves ‘growing’ a family, both through conceiving children and through nurturing the spousal
relationship.
Do we expect society at large to transmit to our kids a vision of this noble
calling? Or think that it may descend like confetti from heaven upon them, on
their wedding day?
We are diligent in preparing our kids for academic success by helping them with
homework; or in preparing them for independent living by teaching money
management. For the same reason, we must promote, in word and deed, truly
Christian sexuality.
How do we do this? A first step is by attending to our own sexuality. Perhaps we have suffered
neglect in the development of a healthy sexual identity. John and Stasi
Eldredge offer help in recognizing and remedying this, in their books Wild at Heart (for men) and Captivating (for women).
Another author with a passion for reclaiming our sexual dignity in Christ is
Christopher West, whose works expound the views of the late pope John Paul II.
These authors, and others, can help us articulate to ourselves, our spouses and
our children truths about love – that we desperately wish to say, but find ourselves unable to say.
Teaching ‘in deed’ starts when our children are newborns. Acknowledging their need for touch (through skin-to-skin contact and gentle
massage) is a conscious choice.
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Affection shown to maturing sons is critical to teaching them wholesome physical
interaction. For daughters, a lack of attention from their fathers (or another
significant male role model) drastically contributes to early promiscuity.
You can help your child form a positive body image by explaining how advertising
works. I have found videos on YouTube which show how photo-enhancing of a model’s face and body is done – so that the final product is more art than reality. My kids were amazed at this,
and are now (thank God) dubious about the body images they encounter through
the media.
When discussing sex with your children, the golden rule is to put it into the
context of marriage, and to keep it age-appropriate. Answering a three year old’s “Where do babies come from?” does not require the detail of answering an 11 year old’s question about how a husband and wife have sex.
Be sure to engage any questions your children have, and find opportunities to
talk about sex. For example, discuss why some grade six girls get vaccinated
for a sexually transmitted disease. You don’t want them getting their information from sources that have a skewed perception
of human sexuality.
We are the carriers of God’s vision of sexuality. Fear of the ‘unknown’ and curiosity about the ‘unspoken’ can make our children susceptible to the voice of Evil speaking lies.
Let us celebrate our gender make-up, and emphasize redemption – and hope that we don’t lose sight of our God-given dignity.
If you have any thoughts about these issues, email me at
jeanfamilycolumn@gmail.com.
October 2009
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