By Jordan Ninkovich

I AM 25 years old now. When I was 15, my life changed forever.

All my childhood, I suffered from being obese – which led to me being bullied.

My torment started back in elementary school – where I soon learned who I was and what I was: ‘The Fat Kid.’

‘Blubber butt’

I was always the biggest kid in class – usually the tallest, and definitely the widest. When I was really young, I felt healthy, happy and full of life. But it wasn't long before the other kids let me know just what I was to them: ‘blubber butt,’ ‘tubby,’ ‘chubby,’ ‘wide load’ – and on and on it went.

It seemed I was always the centre of attention – under the spotlight, so to speak. But I was no comedian; I was the joke.

After elementary school, I had to go to a new school  – where the teasing, harassment, humiliation and bullying were even worse. Embarrassment was like my right arm: it was just a part of me.

I would usually force myself to swallow all the teasing. I would try to let it roll off my back – hopefully to get swept under the carpet, never to be seen again. Unfortunately, that stuff sticks.

My tormenters became malicious and evil. They were destroying my self esteem. I had countless nights of crying myself to sleep, because I felt so alone. My social life was non-existent. I was picked last for every team, and no girls would come near me. Any dream of love or having a relationship with someone became a nightmare.

Rock bottom

At the end of grade 10, I hit rock bottom. I was lonely and empty inside. I’d had enough of being fat; most of all I’d had enough of having no friends, and being bullied. For years, every night, I would pray – asking God to make things better.

I always believed in God, and considered myself a Christian. I always figured that maybe because I didn’t go to church much, or I was praying wrong, were the reasons why nothing was changing. I was wrong. God was listening, and preparing me for my future the whole time.

The night I hit rock bottom came at the end of a horrible week for me at school. I got bullied so bad that I was having horrific nightmares and anxiety attacks.

I was so depressed and full of fear, I was beginning to believe there was no point in living. My hope was beginning to fade and the bullying drove me to suicidal thoughts. They were so strong and tempting that I almost went through with it – but something stopped me.

My parents just happened to enter my room – where I was crying and frantic, from contemplating something that was against what I believe as a Christian. But it wasn’t just my parents coming into my bedroom that stopped me.

Peaceful and shocked

All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with security, peace and confidence. Without even thinking about it, I knew right there in that moment, when I felt I was hitting rock bottom, Jesus answered me.

I will never forget the feeling. It felt like I was draped in a warm blanket – and I know I had a bewildered look on my face. As peaceful as I felt, I was completely shocked to have thoughts, ideas and visions of what I would become.

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For days, I stayed in my room, writing down blueprints for a journey I was about to take. I didn’t even think twice about where these ideas were coming from; I just knew this was right, and that’s all there was to it.

I began to pray even more, but now it was different. I didn’t feel alone, and knew in my heart that God had been with me during those rough years.

It all began to make sense to me. His plan was for me to grow – not just physically, but spiritually. It was a journey for me to become someone, a journey for me to find Jesus Christ.

Goodbye

Grade 10 ended shortly after, and I said goodbye to who I was. I began the journey to become who I was meant to be.

For the whole summer, I hid from the world – making sure no one I knew would see me until school started again, until I was a new person. I started using the ideas, the unlimited motivation and inspiration the Holy Spirit had empowered in me.

I began working out, eating right, meditating, praying and reprogramming my once poisoned self-esteem and self-image. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months – and every day I was losing more weight, becoming stronger spiritually and physically, preparing to face the world as my new self.

Three months had passed since I had opened my heart and welcomed God’s love and his Holy Spirit. I will never forget the image I saw of myself in the mirror that day.

It was me looking back with the pride I never had before, skinny and in shape, an image I thought I would never see – but an image God placed in my mind to become, and I became it. At the end of grade 10, my weight was around 275 pounds; and at the start of grade 11, I weighed 198 pounds.

Second chance

Starting grade 11, I felt like I had a new life, a second chance to start over.  No one recognized me; they all thought I was a new student!

Teachers ran up to me in shock and surprise, asking how I did it. The bullies didn't know what had happened, either – and for once they were speechless.

Life was now amazing. I gained new friends; and the girls were looking at me a little different now. I was so full of life, words can't explain it. From there on, my grades went up and I became one of the best basketball players in the school.

After graduating, I realized that what happened to me wasn’t just about losing weight and having a happier childhood. The main reason was that I was meant to make a difference in this world.

New ministry

I decided to continue my journey by sharing my story of survival, and my journey to faith in Jesus Christ. Now I have a ministry, and go around North America and elsewhere sharing my story. I have published the first book of a series of three, entitled Epidemic: A Survivor’s Story.

There is indeed an epidemic of bullying centred around obesity. The resulting pain holds back youth and adults from living their lives to the fullest.

Throughout my book I share more of my story, and the events which helped lead me to find Jesus  and become who I am today: a true survivor, and a son of Christ my Lord.

For more details, go to ninkovich.com.

December 2007