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By Phil Callaway
RECENT studies conclude that almost six in three
Canadians dance the macarena when the relatives leave after Christmas.
One told me, “My mother-in-law gave me The
Clapper this year, but I was so tired when she left I didn’t have the
energy to use it. I need a mocha Valium cappuccino latte.”
If you’re thinking there’s no place
like Rome for the holidays, the following advice should help you stay home
and relatively sane this Christmas:
1. Laugh a little each day. In
1973 my parents planned the ideal Christmas, complete with an imported
grandfather from Ontario, and a tree trimmed to seamless perfection. The
only trouble was, grandpa liked to examine the needles at close range and
make minor adjustments. Three times he brought the tree down, scattering
ornaments and driving the shards deep into the carpet. The dog ate a box of
chocolates, box and all, and developed a bad case of the stomach flu (but
never outdoors, if you catch my drift). One of my most enduring Christmas
memories is hearing my parents doubled over laughing that very night. I
have no recollection of what was under the tree that year, and I have no
idea what they found so funny, but I learned that laughter is sometimes our
most effective weapon in fighting HSD (Holiday Stress Disorder). And it
sure beats Prozac.
2. Love more, spend less. Unless
you fell asleep and missed much of October, you know that humans have
become dreadfully bad at mathematics. Canadians are now carrying almost $40
billion in outstanding credit card debt. We have been spending more than we
make to impress people we don’t like with things we don’t need
and it’s killing us. So have a modest budget for gifts this year and
a generous budget for hugs and well wishes.
3. Carve hurry from the season. Last year I made a startling discovery. There is nothing in the
Bible about writing Christmas cards! Not even in Song of Solomon. There is
nothing there about attending every Christmas party we’re invited to.
And there is a good chance the world will continue to revolve if I do not
buy 16 gifts per day at Walmart. There is nothing noble about a nervous
breakdown and nothing selfish about discovering that ‘no’ is a
complete sentence. So forget about the Joneses. And remember that sometimes
the most pressing thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.
4. Exercise. It won’t kill you. With the advent of Nintendo worship, it’s hard to find
an outdoor ice rink. So when the temperature dips low enough, we've been
making our own in the garden, complete with a toasty fire pit off to one
side. The novelty of it attracts neighbours we didn’t know we had. Of
course, this exercise thing can be taken too far. My mother started walking
a mile a day when she was 60. She’s 84 now and we don't know where
she is!
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5. Enjoy the right food and take longer to eat it. My philosophy on eating has always been the same as
Miss Piggy’s: Never eat more than you can lift. But middle age
informs me that my philosophy is flawed. Pants that fit last Thursday are
malfunctioning. So it’s important to exercise our arms by pushing
back from the table earlier. But never pass up an opportunity to savour
dessert. A recent study conducted by the dark chocolate industry indicates
that dark chocolate is good for you and may constitute a food group.
6. Worry less. If
you’ve ever tied together a bundle of 365 toothpicks, you know
they’re tough to break. But pull them out one at a time and you can
snap them with little effort. Jesus taught us to pick things up one day at
a time. Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, he said in
Matthew 6:32, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live
for him. Worry steals everything worthwhile from today and adds nothing
worthwhile to tomorrow. Remind yourself this Christmas that it will be
okay. Everything needn’t be perfect. How strange that some of my best
Christmas memories involve burnt turkeys, shattered ornaments and incoming
snowballs from my older brothers.
7. Think of others first. It
is impossible to enter into the true joy of the season without caring for
others. We celebrate the grace of a God who stooped to redeem the likes of
us. All around are needy and lonely people. In a selfish age, those who
care for others make God smile. So never underestimate the power of a kind
word, a smile, a compliment, or an invitation to Christmas dinner. Go ahead
and be the answer to someone’s prayer.
8. When the season is done, find a support
group. If you can’t find one, start
one. If you can’t start one, get a pet. Sometimes my dog is a great
support group. She’s the only one who will listen without
interrupting. As long as I keep her away from the chocolate.
Phil Callaway is the best-selling author of 22 books
and a popular speaker. Visit him online at .
December 2008
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