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By La Vonne Dougall
 THE Christmas season is fast approaching!
As we drive through our communities we begin to see
familiar streets bedecked with Christmas decorations and one by one houses
are beginning to twinkle with Christmas lights.
Stores have begun to play Christmas carols and are
filled with Christmas displays in hopes that we will begin our Christmas
shopping early this year. All these sights and sounds cause many of us to
look forward to the Christmas season with happy anticipation.
Foreboding
However, for some these Christmas indicators bring a
sense of foreboding and dread. The death of a loved one, divorce,
relocation to a new community, family rifts and strife are just a few
examples of life changes that cause Christmas to bring the sting of pain
and loss rather than warmth, family and celebration. Some have one, or
more, fewer gifts to purchase and wrap this year, one less plate at the
Christmas table this year. Indeed many wonder where and with whom they will
be spending Christmas. A lot of people simply wish that they could skip the
whole thing, knowing that Christmas just doesn’t have much potential
for ‘merriment.’
Blue Christmas service
For this reason many churches and communities have felt
the need to provide a Christmas service in which people can honour the pain
of this season in the community of others who are suffering similarly.
Through singing, the sharing of readings, homily and ritual, the losses
that this season amplifies can be honoured and embraced. There is comfort
in knowing that one isn’t alone nor unique dealing with pain at this
time of year. In this church gathering there is no need for a brave face or
a plastic smile. Instead, people are invited to be real and authentic
regarding their feelings and their loss. In doing so, we are able to give
and receive comfort as well as receive hope for the future.
In my experience as a hospital chaplain, I remember one
family which had lost a wife, mother and grandmother just three weeks
before Christmas. I was invited that year to share at that
community’s ‘Blue Christmas.’ The entire family had
chosen to attend this special service. I watched as they came forward as a
group to hang a decoration on the tree in memory of this special woman.
They wept and comforted each other as they hung their decoration on the
tree, and then watched others do the same, then singing with candles of
hope ‘Silent Night’ through their tears.
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Loss of loved one?
Afterwards they told me that Christmas had always been
their loved one’s favourite time of year, hosting the Christmas
dinner for the family. This year Christmas just wouldn’t be the same.
However the experience of honouring her life and passing during the service
helped them feel empowered to face Christmas without her. No, Christmas
wouldn’t be the same without her, yet they had been given hope and
comfort and were now determined to continue her Christmas legacy as a
tribute to her. One by one they told me this service had blessed
them.
Not alone
Perhaps you are experiencing an apprehension associated
with Christmas – even dread, knowing it will be painful. Many of us,
if we take a moment to think about it, know others that is likely in that
space . . . divorcees, those with estranged family members, single people
with no family members, shut-ins, newcomers to an area and those who are
just overloaded with concerns. You are not alone in your sadness and loss
and there is comfort when you connect with others of like experience. Grief
and loss is but a season in life, and seasons come and go. As we give and
receive comfort we learn there is the possibility of hope for the future.
La Vonne Dougall is pastor of pastoral care at West
Vancouver Baptist Church, 450 Mathers Avenue. Their ‘Blue
Christmas’ service is December 14, 7 pm.
Contact: 604.922.0911.
December 2008
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