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By John Keery
A DECADE AGO, when Deb Walker’s daughter was in
middle school, she became concerned that parents and teachers were losing
their daughters to the negative influences of the popular culture.
“I noticed a huge shift in the way she dressed
and acted in grade 7,” Walker said. “I begun to have fear in my
heart for younger women.”
This led Walker on a long journey, which resulted in
her helping found Courage for Youth (CFY) in 2003. She is executive
director of the Okanagan-based organization, which helps support girls in
the critical adolescent years.
It started with Walker attending a conference in Erie,
Pennsylvania to hear psychologist Dr Mary Pipher – whose book, Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls was the catalyst for the Ophelia Project 11 years ago.
Ophelia is a key character in Shakespeare’s Hamlet, who kills herself after being
driven insane by the murder of her father.
During a four year stint working with youth on staff at
Trinity Baptist Church, Walker became aware that the pressures facing young
girls in contemporary culture could even lead to suicide. After one youth
event, organizers found a suicide letter on a chalk board. Later, Walker
became aware of three actual suicides in the Kelowna area.
Referring to the writer of the message on the chalk
board, she said: “I met with that girl that weekend. The youth really
did want us to help them. I had thought they didn’t.”
In the past 15 years, Walkers said, relationships
with peers have become more important and influential for youths than
relationships with parents and other adults. Instead of listening to
parents, church leaders, teachers and other adult figures, youth are
turning to their peers. The internet makes it much easier for them to
communicate with other youth, and isolates them from adults, Walker
said.
Advertisers exploit this youth culture to tell young
girls they need to buy their products to be attractive and fit in to
society. “Advertisers’ goal is to tell you that you are not
good enough, so you will spend money. Magazines set up a huge
standard.”
Fathers need to tell their daughters they are
beautiful, capable, loved, without buying the stuff advertisers say they
need, Walker said. For mothers it is a little harder, she stressed. They
have to combat the same influences.
The problems for adolescent girls go beyond
image, Walker added, to what she calls “relations bullying”
– done by girls, against girls.
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“Young girls grow up manipulating each other, and
never saying what they [think]. They smile, talk behind each
other’s backs, spread rumours.”
Courage For Youth is gathering strength. The group
recently jointed the Ophelia organization in the U.S. It also conducts
several programs of its own.
The overall message, said Walker, is “How to hang
on to your kids.”
CFY sponsors programs for students in schools, and puts
on workshops to help parents and adults who work with teens.
In October, the organization held a conference in
Vernon called ‘Fight for Your Daughter: Becoming a Powerful
Ally.’
School programs include: ‘All the Rage,’ a
three-part, interactive program offering practical training to help middle
school girls deal with relational aggression; ‘Gamma Girls,’ a
10 week program which helps teenage girls make wise choices, focusing on
pregnancy prevention; and youth advisory councils, where students gather
with CFY advisors to tackle issues and ask difficult questions.
The next presentation for parents is: ‘A
Poisonous Culture Inside Our Daughters’ World.’ It starts at 7
pm, December 5, at South Kelowna Elementary School.
Contact: courageforyouth.com or 250.491.9667.
December 2008
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