By Duncan McDougall

ONE of the most stressful experiences any child goes through is the first day of school.

In terms of peer groups, there is the fear of the unknown, meeting new people and fitting in with new groups. Males and females may react to the stresses differently, but they both do react.

Children from a loving and supportive family usually have good coping skills, and tend to weather the storm well enough.

However, some students don’t cope well, and this may be the start of a downward slide – both in their studies and social achievements.

It is tough enough for a student to deal with all the social and peer pressures, without studies coming along to top things off. Your child may be thrilled at the thought of seeing all his or her friends again, but he or she may secretly be dreading a subject – or subjects – that they don’t grasp or fully understand. You child may also be anxious about keeping a high grade point average, in order to be accepted into university (this is a topic in itself).

Regardless, what do you do as a parent, when you realize your normally calm and outgoing teen has suddenly become irritable and self-absorbed?

You can pass it off as changes in hormone levels, or the start-up jitters of a new school year – sometimes even a new school – but there may be other social or academic pressures your child is just not talking about.

Some of the more common issues are:

• bullying;
• resumption of last year’s inept interaction with peers;
• fear of not doing well in a new subject area;
• fear of not maintaining last year’s good performance;
• working with a new teacher;
• meeting new expectations;
• getting used to a new work schedule.

Obviously, you can’t address all of these pressures at once, but good communication between student and parent – and student and teacher – is beneficial.

It allows for a better understanding of difficult situations, and often gives rise to a solution or two.

A good teacher will do his or her best to ensure that a student feels comfortable in the classroom. This same teacher will also take the time to find out what is hampering the progress of the student, and take measures to alleviate fears, anxiety or pressure.

The following are common symptoms suffered by some students under stress:

• sleepiness, too much sleep or irregular sleeping times;
• lack of appetite;
• lack of desire to do homework, or even to attempt it;
• spending too much time in front of a TV or computer;
• finding excuses not to go to school;
• defensive behaviour, such as white lies or anger;
• drastic change of mood;
• little or no social interaction with peers.

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It is well known that, if some of the above symptoms linger, the child may be slipping into depression – be it cyclic, clinical or otherwise. Sometimes it is difficult to pinpoint the exact area of concern for students, especially if they are not aware they are brooding, or displaying changes of attitude, or demonstrating uncharacteristic behaviour.

Attempting to make conversation with an irritable person is not the easiest thing to do. But at the right time, a leading question like “Having trouble with your homework?” or “Do you think you could use some help?” might yield a dialogue – and a list of concerns relevant to your teen.

Some students cover up their problems, or attempt to get help on the internet, or from a friend. Others, however, finally admit that they feel they are in over their heads. Getting the right help is essential, and it really is never too late. However, early interventions can prevent a lot of frustration later on; so the earlier, the better.

The right kind of help comes in the form of a tutor with a teaching background. A trained tutor can not only assess the problems, but also take specific steps to alleviate anxiety and frustration.

The tutor is in a position to monitor progress, and intervene when necessary. A good tutor is usually a good coach – allowing the student to gain confidence, and then spurring him or her on to new goals.

The going rate for tutors varies between $25 and $50 per hour. A good one will actually save your child from anxiety, frustration and loss of sleep. A parent or guardian cannot put a price tag on his or her child’s well-being.

A tutor with good listening skills can help bridge the gap between what is really the matter and what will change things for the better.

Children and teens do indeed experience worry, fear and anxiety. Sometimes, a helping hand from a non-parent can relieve the pressure of keeping up with the class or preserving good grades. A good tutor will get to the heart of the matter – and help your son or daughter to succeed.

Duncan McDougall operates TutorFind Learning Centre. He attends Holy Cross Church in Victoria.

September 2008